Opposites Attract
Around this time a couple of years ago Sean and I went to see Divergent with my family, and when we got home we immediately wanted to see what group we would fall into. One thing lead to another, and I was knee deep in internet quizzes about personality types. Funny how it always seems to work that way, isn't it?
Well, we took this test (Myers & Briggs) in particular, discovering that I'm an ENFP and he's an ISTJ ... If you're not familiar with this type of personality test, it basically means that we're total opposites. As in, we literally couldn't be any more different. Let me break it down for you -
“The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd. ENFPs are fiercely independent, and much more than stability and security, they crave creativity and freedom. ”
“The ISTJ personality makes up 13% of the population. Their defining characteristics of integrity, practical logic and tireless dedication to duty make ISTJs a vital core to many families, as well as organizations that uphold traditions, rules and standards. People with the ISTJ personality type enjoy taking responsibility for their actions, and take pride in the work they do – when working towards a goal, ISTJs hold back none of their time and energy completing each relevant task with accuracy and patience.”
We originally started taking these quizzes and tests for fun, so it was totally unexpected when I decided to start taking it very seriously after I realized his personality type wasn't on my list of "best matches". Never mind the fact that the description of a typical ENFP and the description of a typical ISTJ made it seem like we were reading exactly what goes on in each other's heads. Yeah, this stuff is crazy accurate. I immediately starting researching relationships with our mash up of personalities. The results? Not so great. Every single article, blog post and forum that I read ended up being women who were ENFPs saying that they couldn't stand their ISTJ partners.
Oh, and did I mention that some crazy number like 1% of relationships with this pairing actually make it? I mean, who comes up with these numbers anyways? After a minor mental break down, Sean, being the sweet man he is, reassured me that we balance each other out perfectly and not to worry.
Do we drive each other absolutely crazy with our differences after 5 years of being together? Absolutely, but marriage (and relationships in general) are about a lot of different things, but one of the most important components is learning how to compromise. I don't know about you, but if I ended up with someone that was exactly like me, we would get nothing done, and I would probably (definitely) lose my mind. We all need someone to bring us back down to earth when our ideas get the best of us, and we all need that same person to encourage the heck out of us when we decide to go for them; regardless of how crazy the ideas might seem.
There are moments when I want to be spontaneous, or randomly do something that Sean's just not up for, but just like every other relationship in the world, there are compromises. Some nights we sit at home because that's what he needs to do to recharge, and some nights we'll go out or do something unexpected because it's what I need to do to stay sane.
So, if you're an ENFP in a relationship with an ISTJ (or vice versa), and you just happened to stumble upon this post like I did with so many of those articles a couple of years ago, know that everything is going to be just fine! You can't let a personality test determine the future of your relationship, and besides, opposites attract, right? Here's to weird (but crazy accurate) tests on the internet, compromising, and trusting that God knew what He was doing when He brought Sean and I together.
Until next time -
